Hello love.

Another post of me whining.
Sorry... *sigh*

So, here I am breaking down.
NAH, I'm on the edge.
Okay, moving on...
I'm not feeling good... mentally.
I'm mentally sick, yes, I'm crazy, whatever.
And right now, I don't know where to start.

Hmmm...
I'm sad.
Lonely.
Pathetic huh? I think so too.
It's hard to tell what I want to tell.
I'm all mixed up.

I still remember when my religion teacher asked me a question.
Do you have a best friend? Why can you tell that someone is your best friend?
I said I do have and when he asked who, I couldn't speak a word.
It's clear in my head that I consider everyone my best friend.
But then, not even a single name came out from my mouth.
He then explained what a best friend is.
Best friend(s) are those who speak and listen, give but never ask, etc.
I still think that everyone is my best friend though.
I just can't admit it.
I never can.
Since primary school until now.
I'm scared that when I say so, everyone will just say they're not.
And I sure would hurt if they really say that.
I don't remember telling my mom or anyone else who my best friend(s) is/are.
We can never tell what people really think about us.

For some reason, I'm always left out on a group of people.
I couldn't fit in... as always.
I would always be the pathetic one.
I'm the burden there. The bad aura.
Something like that lol.
Who on earth wants to hang out with me?
I can barely ask someone out lol.

Then...
I hate myself...
For being jealous, moody, etc.
I get that feelings even when people tell me I shouldn't.
I don't know...
I just miss everything.
I don't want things to change.
Right now, something has changed.
The spark is gone.
I miss it... a lot.
I miss making...smile.
I miss everything about...
I want everything back.
I know that people/everything change but...at least...
I just want...to be mine.
So this guilt won't haunt me.

I still want to be the reason to your laughter and your smile.
Not your tears and anger.
I want to be a blessing to you.
Not a burden.
I want to love and be loved.

Hello love.