Dear Blog

I don't have a diary.
I don't want to have one either.
But sometimes, there are things that I want to share with someone/something so badly.
So, this blog will be my diary-like.

Dear blog,
Why am I such an awful person?
I am such a terrible person.
One of the thing that I hate the most about myself is jealousy.
I get so jealous even about the smallest problem.
Here's why I'm talking about this.
My parents are the strict type.
I can't go out of house after 6 pm.
My friends, and him, likes to go out after 6.
Automatically, I can't join them.
But then, I would get jealous.
I'll always think that I'm no good girl for feeling like that.
It's not their fault, but I'm jealous.
Also when he's so so so friendly with others, I usually walk away cause usually, I have no idea of what to say or do.
He'll be this sweet friendly guy with them.
He would play fights with some of them.
I know exactly that he's just friendly, but it's okay to be jealous right?
I would always remind myself to be positive but sometimes... it bothers me.
This next one is about social medias, but I'll pass.
I feel so childish and so stupid.
I am even jealous with his games.
I really feel so stupid talking about this.
But I need to let it out.
Just this once.
Because, I just can't hold it every single time.
I'm afraid to tell about this directly to him or just my friends cause I don't want to look like I'm begging for... you know. :)
It's fun you know, to look at him play with his friends, joke with them, you can see his happy face.
But then, I would always be the mood crusher, it's like every time I stay, they would watch their words and actions.
It's like a 180 degree of environment change.
And that... is also the reason why I walk away when his having his friends.
I'm not the type of girl who makes a fun situation.
That's why, every time I get jealous, I would always remind myself:
"He needs his space and refreshing, back off."
Yeah, I still sound so stupid huh
Well, not everything is told here, but at least, some of it.
A bit relieved... a bit.
There are still a lot bugging me, killing me slowly.
These tears are even dried up, lol.
But, what else can I do?
Knowing that he's happy is already a relieve.

SOOOOOO
I'm just going to lay on my bed and...
I don't know.
Bye.