Lonesome?

I'm sure that most of us have experienced feeling left out, forgotten, abandoned, etc.
And some of us might feel that every single day of his/her life.
Well, I happened to be like that.
I'm not an attention seeker, I just want to express my feelings.

Back to this, let's take an example:
When I'm in my class, everybody knows what I'm like.
I'm the bubbly, noisy, annoying, irritating, and hyperactive kind of girl.
I rarely shut my mouth.
And I rarely stop moving.
When I'm that kind of girl, everyone sure does know me.
But when I'm quiet and gloomy?
Well, nobody cares.
Nobody wants to be with someone gloomy like that.
But... there are times that we'll feel that way right?
"Life is full of ups and downs."
People feeling down or gloomy should not be abandoned.
A company would mean so much to them.
Even when they say that they want to be alone, they don't really do.
Another example is when I'm in a group of friends.
I like to be accepted in every circle.
It's just fun you know.
Having a lot of friends with different circles.
Feeling left out is the second strongest feeling when being in a circle.
The first is surely feeling happy.
When you're not the kind of person who stays in only one circle,
You'll always feel left out when you're being in EVERY circle.
It's simply because among them, they're much closer than you're.
It hurts. Of course it hurts.
People always say that it's just our thoughts.
But put yourself in my shoe.
You'll understand the feeling.
You can also feel abandoned in your family.
Especially your cousins&relatives.
Sometimes, they would take among themselves without noticing that you're there.
But, I don't really care about this one.
Not important at all.
Sometimes I thought to myself
"They're close with me only when they need something."
"They don't care about what I'm going through."
"No one's here when I need someone."
But I always scold myself for thinking like that.
Instead, I think the other way around.
I make myself think positively.
But, I can't deny that it's hard.
I barely talk to people I know via social medias.
It's like by the time I got home for school...
I became the friendless(?) girl.

I have friend trust issues.
You know, when a friend you love so much hurts you.
Since then, you have a hard time trusting anyone else being your friend.
Scared of being hurt again.
But... I don't know.
This trust issues kind of made me hate myself.
It's like, what did I do to you?
Why do you do this? I trusted you.
Especially when they call themselves your bestfriend.
I never consider someone as my bestfriend unless they feel the same way about me too.
I'm just scared...
Being hurt repeatedly is the one thing everyone should avoid.

I... kinda hate myself about this section.
I know that this is not even close to good, but sometimes, I consider myself a jinx.
I've got some bestfriends. And you know what?
They all left... just as soon as I'm getting closer to them.
Left here is leaving town/school.
And I would just always be lonely. again. and again.
This might also be a reason why I have friend trust issues.
I'm scared that people will actually leave me again.
You know that you're the reason to their leaving.
And you know that you have to move on.
And think positively.
They left town, not you.
You should be happy you still have the chance of meeting them.
LOL, am I being too cheesy again?
This is not exactly what I'm feeling.
But I think that this kinda sums them all.

What I want/wish?
My friends to be happy.
To not be left out.
To not feel left out.
To just have company when you need one.
and everything else cause I'm not going to continue hehe.

Well, I guess that's about it.
Nothing more nothing less.

P.S. I don't think that I'm talking common sense right now LOL. My mind's startled right now.
#peace.